A Wild Mary Sue Attacked!
by Komodoking
Summary: Two stories, same idea; a young pokeathlete competing in the Relay Run. The difference is; one is a Mary Sue. Compare Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker's story and Maria Lake's story, competing versus the evil Ezekiel Senlive M'sri or the not so evil Ed. An example for pokemon writers.
1. Good Sport

In this fanfic I shall demonstrate the difference between a Mary Sue character and a regular-ish character, for all you who may need help with your stories. Mary Sues can infect any fandom (even if they're really fun to laugh at). Both short stories will have a similar setting, but the difference is that one is a Mary Sue and the other is not.

Let's start with the Sue, shall we?

Destiny's Victory

Destiny kicked her heels into the ground. Her long golden hair fell down her back like pure wheat, only for the tips; a dark, becoming purple. Her eyes; one a beautiful deep blue like the diamond of dialga's heart, the other a soft, lustrous pink, like the waves of time off palkia's back. She smiled a smile that made angels jealous and looked at her rival.

"Well, Ezekiel, it looks like it's you and me." she glossed demandingly in a voice as rich and flowing as melted chocolate. "My father, Jirachi, gave me the power of wishing, and my one wish today is that I beat you and your evil organisation in the pokelathon!"

Ezekiel, an evil looking man with raven hair, streaked in vicious red, laughed evilly, showing pointed teeth. "Child! You may have defeated my father, all of my brothers, and my entire army, but you will never beat me in this last event; Relay Run!"

The crowd booed him and shouted cheer for Destiny. The fate of pokemon rested on her young but mature shoulders. She was wearing a miniskirt and a beautiful top that showed a body that looked like that of a young lady of eighteen, not the thirteen year old that she was. Ash and his friends cheered from the stands, the boys obviously smitten with her. She pulled a pokeball out of her pocket, a Luxury-Master ball specially crafted by her uncle; professor Elm, for her birthday, and sent out her first pokemon.

"Go, Nyx!"

Her shiny umbreonX exploded out of its pokeball. It was a cloned shiny umbreon with a glossy dark blue coat. Its rings were glowing furious azure and its eyes were wide and adorable. It let out an adorable battle cry as it fluttered up with its bat wings.

"He said that he's going to win and loves me!" Destiny squeaked happily, her and her pokemon blushing. Ezekiel pretended to vomit.

"I hate pokemon! Especially cute pokemon! Especially yours!"

The announcer started up the mic. "Now, folks, for the Relay between Ezekiel Senlive M'sri and Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker!"

The crowd cheered for Destiny; all the boys that loved her, all the girls that wanted to be her, even the people who were jealous of her. Ezekiel hissed.

"Let's get this over with! Go, Darkness!"

His pokemon was a beaten-looking houndoom, with furless patches. It looked very tired and upset, and had welts that Ezekiel had made from his whip. Ezekiel barked at it and it snapped to attention, growling at Nyx.

"You meanie! You mistreat your pokemon so badly!"

"Shut up, little girl! Let's race!"

"Three, two, one, go, go, go!"

The whistle was blown and both Nyx and Darkness shot off, racing down the track. The trainers went after them, ready to switch out, on their power bikes. Nyx left a trail of glitter behind him as he ran. Darkness pounded along, but just wasn't fast enough to catch up.

"Switch out, Nyx!" Destiny cheered. "You've done awesome! Go, Candy!"

She returned her umbreon and sent out a shiny mewZ. It was tall and beautiful, with a sky blue body and massive, glowing eyes. It let out a distorted cry and pounded ahead, leaving Darkness in the dust.

"Damn!" Ezekiel cursed. "Switch out, you worthless houndoom! Go Surrender!"

He switched Darkness for a partly mechanical weavile, half of its body covered in wires and plating. It ran ahead, catching up to Candy but not getting in front.

"Surrender, use techno blast!"

Surrender opened his mechanical mouth and out blasted a stream of sharp metal streaks, heading straight for Candy. Destiny saw this coming, and, employing the psychic powers she'd gained when the real mewtwo gave his life to save her, redirected the blast. It crashed off into the distance, shearing the top few centimetres of hair off Ezekiel's head.

"Last lap! Go, Destiny!" shouted the MC. Everyone cheered for her.

"Candy, return! You were perfect! Go, Mimi!"

Back went Candy and out came Mimi, a super-shiny tyrani-pherio-mortar. It had a tyranitar's body, and its head was half rypherior, half magmortar. It had both cannons and ran forwards with amazing speed for its size, kicking up chunks of dirt as it went.

"Get back here, you failure!" Ezekiel cried to Surrender, who hung his head and made a sad noise. "Now's time to get real! Go, Spirit!"

He sent out a genkrai, part gengar part darkrai, that leapt into the air with a terrible noise and floated after Mimi. It let out a roar and a beam of pure nightmare shot out of its mouth. Mimi barely blocked with a flaming rock throw. Spirit was almost ready to attack again, when Destiny yelled.

"Switch, Mimi! Go Destiny!"

Roaring, she turned into a pokemon. Ten foot tall with beautiful flowing hair, she was an angel type, with giant gold wings and rainbow eyes. She sprinted forwards with her beautiful coltish legs. Spirit shot a beam of nightmares at her but it bounced off her back; the power of purity deflected all attacks. Putting one last sprint into it, she leapt across the finish line and the crowd went wild. Shrieks of 'Marry me!' were heard from boys and girls alike as Destiny returned to her normal self and smiled modestly.

"I couldn't have done it without the power of my bond with my pokemon!"

And, as Nyx spread his wings and carried them off into the sky, away from her thousands of adoring fans, Ezekiel screamed.

"I'll get you back, Destiny!" he shouted. "If it's the last thing I-"

Just then, his pokemon leapt out of the pokeballs and, taking revenge on the years of neglect and mistreatment, savaged him violently. Destiny smiled and pressed an elegant finger to her plush pink lips and giggled childishly as she soared off into the sunset, her miniskirt barely concealing her perfect legs.

"I wouldn't count on it!"

See that? She was a Mary Sue. She was perfect; Ezekiel didn't stand a chance. She is also glorified by Ezekiel being so terrible, and how she defeats him, putting her into the centre of attention as hero number 1. And her pokemon, name and vague backstory, along with actions and appearance are also clues towards a Sue.

Now, lets look at the second example.

Maria swallowed nervously. She had only beaten Ed by a lucky shot in the second event, and he had beaten her in the first. The winner here would take home the gold, and it was difficult to tell who would win. Maria had been training nonstop for months, but Ed was the reigning champion. She looked at her three pokemon. Freckles the typhlosion and Scarfy the furret both looked rather nervous, but Titan the scizor looked cocky as always.

"Well, looks like this is the finals," Ed said, walking up to her. He was an average-looking guy and she was an average-looking girl, but they were expert pokeathletes, with years of training behind them. Maria smiled.

"Cool."

Ed paused. "You don't really say a lot. Aren't you nervous?"

"Very."

He shrugged. "Okay, cool, cool. See you at the starting line."

He walked off to address his team; a fearow, feraligatr and rapidash, each one strong and determined. Maria turned to her own team.

"Okay, you three. Here's my plan. Titan, you go out first, you can last longest. Then you, Scarfy. You can go fast. Then Freckles; you're good at both."

Titan bounced up and down energetically, clapping his pincers. He may have been strong, but he was cocky, and that usually got him in a whole mess of trouble. Scarfy was nervous, but she was fast. Freckles; he was shy, but she believed in him.

"Will the contestants approach the starting line for the relay run?"

Both athletes stepped up to the starting places. Titan was roaring to go and fearow was flapping its wings furiously.

"Good luck." Maria smiled to Ed.

"May the best athlete win."

"Three, two, one, go!"

The two pokemon streaked off like lightning and their trainers were struggling to keep up on their bikes. Titan roared something at fearow and fearow screeched back, but nobody knew what they were saying. The pokemon were neck and neck, the fearless bug and the frightful bird. It was impossible to tell who would win.

"Okay, Titan! Don't strain yourself!" Maria warned. She'd known a pokemon being hurt in competing before. Her azumarill, Easter, had almost been killed in ring drop once. She didn't want it to happen again. "Switch out in three, two, one, go, Scarfy!"

Ignoring Titan's cries of protest, she switched the scizor for her furret, Scarfy. The furret looked around and cannoned off, leaving a fearful glance at the fearow. Ed looked at his pokemon. Fearow looked tired, its wings were drooping. He threw feraligatr's pokeball.

"Fire in the hole!"

Fearow was replaced by feraligatr, who, despite not being as fast, was hell-of-a strong one. He ran after Scarfy, eyes ablaze. Scarfy was a strange furret. She always seemed distant and afraid. She ran as if she were running away. Feraligatr persued her and launched himself at Scarfy, but she dodged, ran into a wall, and carried on running until she was back on track. Ed felt a twinge of uncertainty. feraligatr and Scarfy were too close to call, but it wasn't certain that it'd stay that way.

"Feraligatr." he whispered through gritted teeth. "Water gun the furret."

Feraligatr picked up the signal through the corner of it eye. Opening its mighty mouth, it spat a fierce water gun at Scarfy. Scarfy felt her life flash before her eyes. But then something leapt, something spun, something crashed behind her and she could run again. The only thing she saw before she glanced back was Maria, lying on the track with a broken arm.

"Miss, we need to get you to the hospital," one of the on-the-scene medics said. "Now."

Maria shook her head angrily. Her soaked brown hair now stuck out in all directions and her eyes seemed weary but persistent. "No. It's my pokemon. I'll see them, whether they win or lose. I don't care. But if I miss this race. If I miss this race, I'll let them down... Scarfy, Titan, Freckles... I won't let them down!"

"Miss, you're getting frantic!" the medic said, shaking her by the shoulders. "You're being incredibly reckless!"

"I know and don't care!" Maria screamed. "Get me back on my bike! I'm not missing this race! Not now, not ever, not for all the money, not for all the medals in the world!"

Without listening to any more, she bit the bullet. She forced herself up with her good arm and mounted her bike, going after Scarfy. She and feraligatr were still deadlocked, but both pokemon were tiring and growing sluggish.

"Switch out, Scarfy!" Maria yelled. "Freckles, it's the last leg of the race! Make it count!"

Scarfy returned to her pokeball and Freckles entered the field, preparing himself nervously before running off into the distance. Feraligatr tottered sideways before being returned by Ed. In its place was his rapidash, flexing its mighty muscles before galloping after Freckles.

"Give it up, Maria!" Ed laughed. "Freckles isn't as fast as rapidash! You'll never beat me! I don't even know if you'll finish!"

Maria panted heavily. Her broken arm was getting the better of her, and she was growing sluggish. The edges of her vision grew blurry. Freckles looked at Ed. Laughing. So insensitive. He was meaning to do that to Scarfy. But he didn't care now that Maria had been hurt. He was winning. Freckles couldn't let him win!

Putting in a burst of speed, Freckles raced ahead, just ahead of rapidash. Rapidash snorted and galloped faster, but Freckles, in his determination, was not going to let himself lose. His muscles worked like never before. Adrenaline coursed his veins. Maria watched in awe as her typhlosion, the little cyndaquil she saved from the pound, the quilava that was terrified of battle, the typhlosion that tried his best but didn't get too far, raced the rapidash with the speed and the power of a typhlosion ten times its size.

Then she noticed that something was wrong.

Terribly wrong.

Veins stuck out on his neck. His breathing became frantic. His movement became urgent and powerful. His face went pale, then red, then purple. Freckles was overworking himself. He ran ahead, rapidash close on his tail. His flames almost died out for a second.

"Freckles, come back!" Maria said, waving the pokeball. "I'll send out Titan, just please, come back! You'll kill yourself! It doesn't matter if you don't win!"

Freckles roared. Maria didn't know. She didn't know what anger, what hatred he was filled with when Ed hurt her. He ran, eyes bulging, veins sticking out, muscles straining and breath heavy. Ed recognised the danger.

"Switch him out!" he screamed. "For the love of arceus, Maria, switch him out!"

Maria threw the pokeballs, taking both hands of the handlebars. Titan flew onto the field but was sent flying back by a flamethrower. It wasn't strong- Freckles didn't like battling- but it was strong enough to send Titan recoiling. Titan screamed something in scizor (which nobody understood) before returning to his pokeball. Freckles' pokeball was batted away and landed under Maria's wheels. She collapsed, before getting up and beginning to run.

"He won't let me!"

Rapidash was beginning to worry, but he carried on galloping ahead. Freckles let out a final roar, putting all of his strength into one last burst of speed.

He staggered sideways before fainting in front of the finish line.

Inches behind rapidash.

He closed his eyes slowly. He had failed.

Maria ran up to him, kneeling beside him and shaking him. "Freckles, wake up! Please, wake up!"

He remained unresponsive, exhausted on the ground. Slowly, a crowd formed around them.

"Wake up, please, Freckles, I don't care if we lost, just wake up..."

"The winner... is Ed," the MC said slowly. Despite all their efforts, Maria's team had lost. Maria was crying. She buried her head into Freckles' chest.

"Please, Freckles... wake up."

See the difference?

Maria wasn't ultra-pretty, and Ed wasn't ultra-evil. Their pokemon were reasonable enough, and their names were OK. There was actually some competition between Ed and Maria; it wasn't all Ed or all Maria. And Maria lost; a Mary-Sue would never lose. It explains a little back story behind Maria; it doesn't involve legendaries, and it does affect her. It gives a reason for how she's strong; she trains. She may be a Sue, but much less of a Sue than Destiny.

Let's compare Bios:

Name: Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker

Gender: Can switch gender due to being born from a genderless legendary

Appearance: One eye blue like kyurem's icy body, one eye pink like mew's playful love. Has long, golden hair like the rays of the sun, tipped with beautiful dark purple, like a mismagius' envy. Slender and slim, with coltish legs, large bust and perfect, cute face.

Attire: A denim miniskirt and a very low-cut white t-shirt, tall leather high-heels.

Pokemon: Nyx (Shiny umbreonX), Candy (mewZ(Only exists as a shiny)), Mimi (Super-shiny tyrani-pherio-mortar), Opalescence (Shiny Ultrazion (The fourth musketeer pokemon (no is doesn't matter if that's keldeo. Shut up.))), Savannah (Shiny LucariTwo), Rhapsody (Shining Star EntSuiKou), Sparkalita (Spirit Shine LatiaLatioXys) and herself. (I know that's eight pokemon. But she's not a Mary Sue! Her dad owns a ranch. And I know her dad's Jirachi. Shut up.)

Backstory:

Her dad was Jirachi and her mum was killed by Ezekiel's evil team she grew up raised by Jirachi and Mew and Celebi she went to school and was way better than everyone so she was kicked out then she fell in love with mewtwo who fell in love with her when she saved him from poachers and saved is life volcano tidal wave you get the picture heatran and groudon got married evil Ezekiel tried to kill them again! so she almost got killed but mewtwo gave his life for her then she got psychic power and could turn into a pokemon when she went through the time portal but dialga loves her so he can bring her back she has spacetime powers in her eyes and is awesome Ezekiel hates her but he's a dick who is hated by every1 so nobody cares she is pretty and beautiful and not a mary sue at all!1!111!one!1

Name: Maria Lake

Gender: Female

Appearance: Short brown hair, brown eyes, regular build for a 13 year old.

Attire: Purple shorts, purple jacket, white t-shirt, purple running shoes.

Pokemon: Freckles (Timid Typhlosion), Titan (Hasty Scizor), Scarfy (Lonely Furret), Easter (Bold Azumarill), Beacon (Gentle Ledian) and Hugh (Bashful Skarmory)

Backstory:

She was born in Cherrygrove, and got her first pokemon from the pound. Freckles, named for his freckles, was afraid of fighting other pokemon, so Maria decided to be a pokeathlete. She caught her five other pokemon; Scarfy, Titan, Beacon, Easter, Hugh, in that order. Scarfy had terrible nightmares and was emotionally disturbed for reasons unknown, Titan was very cocky and hard-headed, Beacon was modest and kind (often the butt of Titan's jokes), Easter was hardy and powerful and Hugh was your average normal guy.

She trained all the time with her pokemon, before entering the pokeathlon. At first, she kept losing, but she eventually got the hang of it. One day, she entered Ring Drop with Easter, but Easter got too caught up and exhausted herself, refusing to switch out. She was tackled off the edge of the platform and almost died. Maria was then determined not to let any of her pokemon overwork themselves again, for fear it would happen again.

You can see the difference between the two names, backgrounds, pokemon teams and appearances. Maria may be a Sue, but nothing compared to Destiny. I'll end this with a few Mary Sue characteristics to avoid.

-Tragic backstory/bad habit that doesn't affect them

-Incredibly strong, fast, clever and/or good-looking for no reason

-Loved by all, even if he/she's a total dick to them/they've sworn never to love

-Fight all evil teams and win, win all physical fights and/or verbal fights

-Has supernatural powers/powers that outshine all other powers

-Super-lucky/the plot bends at their will

-Related to canon character/Canon character's true love

-Dies le tragic death that affects everyone in the story (bonus points if they're brought back to life/turn out not to be dead anyway)

-They're described with the tiniest details to put emphasis on their amazing beauty, strength or power. And I mean detail!

And that's it. Good day.


	2. Water Sports

Why, he-llo, dear reader, and I see we're back. Destiny and Maria's stories have gone different ways, and we're going to see what we've asked to see; what happens next?

It shall involve emotions...

And Marlon.

_Destiny's Fight_

Tripping over a rock, Destiny giggled. She was so clumsy. Her pokeballs, all eight of them, scattered across the floor. As she went on her hands and knees finding them, her perfect blonde hair falling into her palkia-pink and dialga-blue eyes, a boy ran up to her.

"You need any help?"

Into the path ran Marlon, the Humilau gym leader. Unlike usual, he was now wearing shorts, showing his fit legs, but still no shirt. His hair was wet from swimming. Destiny giggled like a child and nodded.

"Of course, sir, oh, I'm just so clumsy!"

Marlon scooped up her pokeballs- they were all customised, shades of pink and blue and yellow, and helped her put them in her bag. He took her hand and helped her up.

"Wow, you're... so pretty." he said, stammering. Destiny blushed, her cheeks turning a wonderful shade of sunset scarlet, and her eyes fading into beautiful hues of darkrai red and cresselia violet. She flicked her hair out of the way with an elegant hand.

"Oh, you're not so bad yourself, uh,"

"Marlon... and you are?"

Destiny took a gentle breath, and her large bust inflated slightly. "Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker, pleased to meet you."

Marlon smiled. "That's such a pretty name. Do you... do you want to go out to dinner?"

Destiny's adorable face turned worried. Her plush lips pouted slightly and her eyes turned down, turning groudon mauve and kyogre azure. "That... might not be such a wonderful idea."

"Oh, why not?" Marlon asked. If Destiny didn't love him, he'd be heartbroken.

"Well..."

"Hey, you!" came a shout. Chili ran in, hair blazing. "What are you doing with that beautiful lady? She's mine!"

"Hey, no, I saw her first!" yelled Falkner, running in.

Tate teleported in on his lunatone (or solrock, whatevs, lol) and stepped between Marlon and Destiny. "Her beauty is like no other!"

Before long, the small route was packed with boys. Destiny was jostled back and forth by the admiring young men, all fighting for her beauty. Ugh, her good looks were a curse sometimes! As the boys fought, she began crying gently. The world stood still. The young men stopped, some with fists paused in mid air. Tears rolled subtly down her gentle cheeks and she hiccuped with tiny squeaks between sobs.

"Wh-what's wrong?"

Destiny dried her eyes with a lacy handkerchief. "M-my mom, she was k-killed by Team Dar'ck K'Void, and-and, I miss her so much- and I had to be raised by my dad Jirachi all on his own, and if it weren't for mew and celebi, he wouldn't be able to look after me..."

The boys stopped fighting and listened. Her voice was so sad and she sounded so upset, and they didn't know how deep this Venus beauty went... Her eyes had turned into a sad mix of all legendary colours, like the sun through Evytal's antlers (Evytal's the X one, rite? lool)

"And... I got kicked out of school... people bullied me so much for being smarter than them... I was so scared and upset... but Mewtwo was there for me... but the poachers... the poachers... and Ezekiel... they tried to kill me... and I was terrified they would..."

"D-did they?"

"Y-yeah... but Mewtwo gave his life to give me life... but even though he gave me his powers, I would give them back to have him back..."

The boys slowly stepped back. "W-we had no idea..."

"Please, Destiny, we'll stop fighting..."

"Don't cry, Destiny..."

Destiny smiled through tears. Her eyes were more vibrant now. "T-thanks... you guys are always there for me... I... well, if you want, I could give you each one wish before I go to the Pokemon Square..."

"What?"  
"Why do you have to leave?"

"Dialga needs me, he senses a deep upheaval in the Temporal Tower energy field, and I'm the only one who can stop him! Use your wishes wisely!"

With a flash of light, she soared to the heavens like an angel, scattering wishes around them, and every boy wished her to return safely after her mission.

Godspeed, Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker

See? SEE?

Her eyes changed colour. Boys loved her at first sight and fought over her. She had a ridiculous tragic past. The facts weren't right. Marlon began acting kinda OOC. She has to save a dimension. Her only flaw is she's clumsy. If your trainer has one or more of these traits and powers, they are most likely a Mary Sue.

_Ave Maria_

Ed sat down on the bench, shaking his head. Maria hadn't left Freckles' side since they'd put her arm in a sling. He felt so stupid, so vicious, so cruel. Stroking his feraligatr's head, he heard someone sit down next to him.

"Ed, you 'kay, bro?"

Ed turned to Marlon. Marlon was in blue jeans and a white shirt, while Ed hadn't changed out of his Pokeathlon gear.

"I'm worried about Maria, and she won't speak to me. She's a strong girl, but she... she kinda freaks out sometimes, and I'm scared that... well, the doctors say that Freckles may not make it."

Marlon rubbed his friend's back. They had been good friends since the first Water Pokeathlon Olympics in Hoenn. "Maybe I should go in there. Speak s'm sense into your friend."

Ed nodded. "And, Marlon? Take her this, and tell her not to cry. She's ugly when she cries."

He handed Marlon the medal he'd won. Marlon looked at it, looked into Ed's eyes, and left for Maria's room.

In the room, he saw a typhlosion in a small, swimming glass cell, needles in its arms feeding liquids into it, and a young woman, arm in a sling, staring at the floor with the most painful expression he'd ever seen.

"Maria?" he said, reaching out a hand. Maria didn't move. "I'm Marlon, I'm friends with-"

"I know who you are," Maria said. "Next time you see Ed, tell him it's not his fault. It's mine."

"That'll just make him feel worse."

"Good."

Marlon pulled up a chair and sat next to her. "Look, Ed's real worried 'bout you, an' I'm sure your pokemon are worried too."

"Why don't you ask them? They're in the gardens."

Looking out of the window, Marlon saw five pokemon out in the Hospital Gardens. It was where pokemon waited, got fresh air, cooled down. There was a skarmory, an azumarill, a scizor, a ledian and a furret. They all had a look of pain and grief on their faces. Maria's good hand was bunched into a fist.

"Arceus, why?" she said, her voice a cracked sob. Her mouth was pulled into a painful smile and tears rolled down her cheeks. "I shouldn't have made them so competitive. I should have switched out. I should have trained more-"

"Hey, there ain't no time for 'should haves' now," Marlon said softly, placing a kind hand on her shoulder. "We can't swim back up a stream to choose another path."

Maria slapped his hand away and he recoiled. "And that's the most painful part; knowing I've killed someone I love and can't do anything about it."

And then she added something that shook Marlon to the core.

"Again."

"Ah-again?" Marlon stammered, backing away. "Wh-w-"

"You really want to know?" Maria said, her eyes meeting Marlon's for the first time, staring at him with a look of pure cold fear.

Marlon's eyes crept to the typhlosion. It was pale as a sheet, barely breathing, its freckled cheeks sunken. He took a shallow breath. "Let's go somewhere else. Maybe you'll feel better."

The cafeteria was empty and dark, but the Nurse Joy that was there, upon seeing Marlon's desperate expression, let them in. Maria sat down and Marlon sat opposite her, putting his hands together in front of him. "Well?"

Maria inhaled deeply. "Well... I was competing in the Ring Drop and Easter was ahead with three points. It wasn't much, but we were in the lead. Easter's my azumarill, by the way. We were fighting when... a competing dragonite tackled her out of the sky, and she fell... then the earthquake hit... the ring collapsed, and fell on top of her..."

"But she didn't die, did she? That was her outside."

"I know, but the fear I felt... I knew I'd almost killed her... I could have recalled her like everyone else, but..."

Maria began crying silently, her voice trailing off. Marlon figured it wouldn't be best to ask any more.

"Should I leave?"

Maria nodded, wiping at her eyes. She hadn't changed out of her Pokeathlon gear, either; either that or she had more than one set of a white shirt and purple trousers. Marlon got up and was about to leave when he remembered the medal.  
"Yo, Marie," he said. She looked up and he threw her the medal. She didn't catch it and it clattered to the floor. "From Ed."

Maria looked at it and looked up, managing to force a smile.

"Also, don't cry," Marlon added. He couldn't bear looking in those brown eyes. "You're... you're ugly when you cry."

He closed the door behind him and Maria was alone. She looked at the medal but couldn't bring herself to pick it up. She walked back to Freckles' room. Her hair was frizzed out and she was hungry enough to eat a rapidash, but just stood, staring at her reflection in the glass cell. She had grown to hate that face. That coward, that self-absorbed coward.

Turning away, she slapped herself sharply. The snap was what made Marlon look back up. He'd been walking back out the building but stopped at a drinking fountain- and heard the loud, sharp clap of skin on skin clearly. He rushed back to the room, only to find Maria, standing over the cell, a hand on the glass. Without looking up, she said, quietly, voice full of sadness as if those words meant everything;

"Ave Maria."

That's BETTER.

She wasn't perfect- I mean, she wasn't a total non-Sue, she had some Sue-ish qualities, but you need to be balanced between Sue and Anti-Sue. Her tragedy actually affected her somewhat, and she doesn't just bounce back to heroism. Also note that Marlon isn't totally OOC, and he doesn't seem like he wants to be Maria's boyfriend. We aren't constantly reminded of her appearance, and even then it's not much special.

Let's compare.

Destiny: Eyes are ' groudon mauve and kyogre azure' when sad, also glisten gently when crying, hiccups when crying (very cute).

Maria: Is ugly when she cries, sobs quietly to herself. Eyes stay mahogany brown.

Destiny: Meets Marlon, immediately flirts with him, knowing her own fanboy count.

Maria: Has fanboy count of 0, but still doesn't flirt with Marlon.

Destiny: People are heartbroken when she cries because of her beauty.

Maria: People feel awkward when she cries because of her low self-esteem and fragility.

Destiny: Is so beautiful that her looks fix broken mirrors.

Maria: Hates her own reflection and slaps herself when sad-angry.

Destiny: Could smash every Pokeathlon record on her own with little to no training.

Maria: Years of hard work and training but still almost gets her pokemon killed.

Destiny: Beauty attracts male leaders from every which place, even far away regions. Remains cool-headed about boys with raging crushes on her.

Maria: Has no significant beauty, is not old enough to be in love either. Would be shocked if a boy had a crush on her, probably has a secret crush of her own.

That's is for now, folks, I hope you enjoyed it, because I did :D


	3. Mind Power

Welcome to chapter three, readers, and to recap...

Destiny just buggered off to receive her mission details from Dialga in the World of Pokemon...  
And Maria pretty much just had an emotional breakdown.

In this chapter...  
Destiny will find out her quest to bring back balance to the Pokemon World Time Field...  
And Marlon and Ed will go on a wonderful quest.

The connecting theme?  
Quests.  
Also, a little swear warning on Maria's behalf.  
Let's begin.

* * *

**Destiny's Trials**

"Oh, great Dialga, what is my quest on the fine razor's edge of Oblivion on which we stand?"

Destiny's voice came as a beautiful flow of musical notes as it came out of her plush lips. Her pokemon forme was more slim than lopunny, more beautiful than gardevoir, more elegant than medicham but more powerful than arceus.

"Destiny, child of the great eternal, it is your duty to bring back balance to the Time Field of the Pokemon World." Dialga boomed in a voice like thunder.

"How shall I accomplish this goal, great Dialga?"

"You shall head to Mt. Certaindeath and fight the great KyuReshiKrom, my dear."

"Thank you, great Dialga."

"No, thank you, the wonderful, beautiful Destiny."

So Destiny, gathering her items, set out on a mission to Mt. Certaindeath. She told her team that they would not be needed and that this was her burden to carry. They were torn to see her go, but at the same time wished that she'd be safe.

Upon entering Mt. Certaindeath, she was ambushed! By a gang of gigalith, bent on stopping her from entering. Destiny opened her lips and closed her eyes.

"Oh, majestic creatures, I am your queen, and I command you to step aside. Kneel to my beauty and I will let you free."

One gigalith stepped forwards, challenging her, but a quick DynamoBlast sent it flying as it shot from the palm of her hand. The others stepped back, kneeling to her beauty and power. Nodding gracefully, Destiny passed by them.

On the second floor, three machamp attacked her from the shadows! But, again, Destiny's plush pink lips opened and the flow of words came out like a beautiful song.  
"You handsome creatures, strong as gods, I am your queen."

The machamp took a step forwards, listening. Destiny's light hand touched one, and it turned pink.

"I am your queen, the one stronger than gods, the one as beautiful as daybreak."

"As beautiful as a cascading waterfall casting rainbows on rocks," one added.

"As beautiful as the moon's silver glow glinting off the glassy shine of your mirror." another agreed.

Destiny nodded as they stepped back, also kneeling to her beauty. Her rainbow hued hair flowed and bounced in the silvery light. But, on the third floor...

"You may not pass!"

Team Charm, but turned evil (they had red eyes 'n shit) stood firmly in her way. Destiny knew that they would not yield to her words, so she sprung into action.

"So be it!" she countered menacingly, baring sharp teeth.

Gardevoir attacked first, readying a shadow ball, but Destiny knocked her out of the way with a powerful Nightmare Void, sending her spinning. Medicham came next, but was hit back by Destiny unleashing her GeniusBoost attack, her great knowledge knocking the Medicham back.

Lopunny flew into action, kicking, but was now match for EternalStand, a super-charged pulse of soul energy releashed from her hands.

"You... are truly a worthy opponent." Gardevoir panted. "You may pass."

"Thank you," Destiny smiled victoriously.

At the top was KYURESHIKROM BEIN' ALL EVIL! I mean it was kicking babies and stuff.

"You will not win this day, KyuReshiKrom!" Destiny shouted, readying a UberScreamOfLife in her fingertips.

"EGHJVOIHDKLSNIOJLA!" KyuReshiKrom screamed back. Destiny flew out, releasing UberScreamOfLife, a massive pink blast of pure awesome. KyureshiKrom, with the last ounce of power he had, struck Destiny down while she was recharging!

"NO!" everyone yelled, heartbroken at the death of their hero.

But then came Meloetta! "You will not get away with this!" she shouted, giving Destiny the Kiss Of Life, transferring her Life Energy to heal Destiny who awoke! Everyone cheered as she destroyed KyuReshiKrom with a SuperOriginalBeam!

"Yay!" Everyone was amazed that Destiny had won and brought peace and balance back to the time energy field!

Let's go, Destiny!

* * *

Oh god, where to start.

Well, there was the whole moves thing. She had, I don't know, six, seven amazing unique moves? All of which were superpowered and deadly. A pokemon OC should only have four moves, and should probably stick to ready-existing moves. And, if human, not turn into a pokemon at will.

Then there was the 'Queen' thing. Ultra-pretty, ultra-powerful. Keep it realistic. No pokemon is so pretty they make pokemon fall in love with them all the time. Unless they have the ability Cute Charm, which they can't control. And every pokemon has a type weakness and weak point.

And, of course, doing a mission all alone because it's 'my burden to carry'. I know, this can be done, but everyone needs a team for backup. Make your pokemon OC possible to defeat, but with a good team. Not ultra-strong, but able to compliment each other in battle.

Now, Maria's bit.

* * *

**A Swap of Hearts**

Maria kicked and bit and struggled but was easily subdued by the machoke holding her down. Still she thrashed and tried to scratch and bite them, but there wasn't much a teen with a broken arm could do against three machoke.

"Calm down, miss!" Nurse Joy ordered. Maria kept struggling.

"This!" Maria screamed. "This is why I couldn't save Kitty! This is why Kitty died! I could have saved her! I can't lose Freckles now! Not to that bastard! Ave fucking Maria, asshole! Ave... fucking... Maria!"

"What in the name of holy alomomola is she talking about?!" Marlon yelled in confusion, scratching his blue hair. Ed took him outside by the arm as Nurse Joy's breloom used another Sleep Powder on Maria, finally knocking her out cold.

"Look, Marlon," Ed said quietly. "Maria used to have this friend called Kitty Malicious when she was twelve. Kitty's little brother was blackmailed into drugging trainers by a villain called King Ghidora. Heard of the man?"

Marlon racked his brains. "No. Don't think so."

"Well, he was a tall man in a black and red suit with green hair. He was evil, allright. Claimed to be able to speak to the dead. Anyway, Kitty vowed revenge. But she lost so many things. Her rival drowned, and another friend was thrown to his death off the castle walls. Maria watched, unable to act. King G'd broken her leg, and she only had Freckles, who was a quilava, and_ he_ didn't battle."  
"Then what?"

"Kitty and King Ghidora fought until their pokemon were exhausted, then fought fist to fist. And, of course, in the battle between thirteen year old girl and evil mastermind, King G came out on top. He threw Kitty against the wall and the impact probably half killed her there and then. But King Ghidora wanted to be sure. I don't know how a man can kill like that."

Marlon didn't want to listen but forced himself to. Ed took a breath and continued.

"Maria watched King G pick Kitty up by the neck- Kitty sputtering and choking- and cut her throat. And you know something? The last thing King Ghidora did before he slit her throat, he looked Maria in the eyes and yelled 'Ave Maria'."

Marlon could imagine it. The man's wild eyes, thunder rumbling, a crumpled body thrown from the castle walls, Maria on the floor, and this man barking the words 'Ave Maria'.

He snapped himself out of it. "And King Ghidora?"

"Officer Jenny got my call and sent fifty men to the scene. They overpowered King G and locked him away. What's become of him, I don't know. But Maria never got over it. She can't stand the song, and she won't battle. Pokeathlon is her way of coping."

"And... where were you, bro?"

Ed lifted his shirt up to show Marlon a deep, snaking scar across his stomach.

"Other side of King G. He attacked me too. I couldn't move, or I'd have lost my guts."

There was a long silence where neither trainer could speak.

Meanwhile, Scarfy snuck into Freckles' room. She stared at the typhlosion in the glass cell, fed by tubes in his arms and neck. She crawled into the tube next to him and curled up on his chest. Why hadn't this been her? She had much higher recovery rate. Normal types tended to. If it was her, her heart exhausted, worn out to the point of breathing being near impossible, she'd make a faster recovery, and Maria wouldn't-

Then Scarfy had an idea.

Brushing her paw against Freckles' cheek, she crawled out of the cell and ran as fast as she could outside, barrelling past nurses and doctors and people with trays. Ed and Marlon were still sitting in that awkward silence when the furret tackled Marlon to the floor.

"Ret! Furret!" she chirped desperately, pawing at his chest.

"Yo, who's this?"

Ed stood up quickly and almost fell over. "That's Scarfy! She's Maria's pokemon!" He scrambled over to Scarfy and picked her up. "What's wrong, girl? What's wrong, Scarves?"

Scarfy waved her paws madly, chirping and making furret noises that sounded frantic.

"It's no use, I have no idea what she's saying," Ed said. "But I bet my linoone does, and I can understand her." He grabbed a pokeball. "Come on, linoone!"

The linoone jumped out and grabbed Scarfy by the shoulders seriously.

"Oone. Linoone."

"Ret, furret fur!"

"Liin. Linoone liin."

"Furr, rrret!"

Linoone went back to Ed and repeated what she'd heard. Ed's eyes widened.

"That's crafty. Crafty but dangerous."

"What, bro?" Marlon said, grabbing Ed by the arm.

"She said that, since normal types have higher recovery rates, a Heart Swap could put her in the dangerously exhausted state, which she could recover more easily from, and then effectively healing Freckles. But we need to find-"

"Manaphy," Marlon finished. "I know where he is, too. Depths of the Sinnoh Ocean Ruins. But it's gonna be a long ride."

"Not on a fearow, it's not."

Marlon looked at Ed incredulously. "Two people on a fearow to Sinnoh?"

Ed gave him a cocky grin. "My fearow isn't known as the Transregional Thunderbolt for nothing."

"He's not known as the Transregional Thunderbolt at all!"

"But he will be." Ed sternly countered. "But do you know where the Sinnoh Ocean Ruins are?"

"Yes. I've been there. More than once, bro. It's harsh, but if you've got a tough pokemon with surf and dive you can brave them."

Tapping his feraligatr on the back, Ed nodded. "Check."

Marlon nodded back. "And I've got a pretty gnarly tentacruel. Scarves, you tell Maria that it's all gonna be cool, because we're goin' on a quest. Let's go, Ed."

"What, right now?"

"Well, yeah, bro. We've got to get to Sinnoh ASAP. Get yo fearow and yo linoone and yo feraligatr, and whatever else you may wanna bring, and let's put up the go fishing sign and tell 'em that we're gonna be out from eight till late. Sinnoh bound or bust."

Ed sent out his fearow and recalled his feraligatr and linoone. "Get on my fearow, I'll take you 'round the pokemon world, and all the other places too."

Marlon shook his head and got on the fearow behind Ed. "Okay, Scarfy, see yaAAAARGH!"

He screamed as the fearow took off, bolting in a bounding stride before soaring up and away with the speed of a bullet train. Scarfy watched them take off into the distance, fading into a green blur, an orange blur and a screaming blue blur on the horizon.

She went back into the hospital and went into Maria's room. She was still asleep. She looked tired as hell, her eyes looked sunken and her hair was sticking out. Silently, Scarfy wrapped herself around Maria's neck, a soft and comfortable scarf, and fell asleep as well.

God, she hoped that Ed and Marlon found Manaphy in time. Maria couldn't afford to be any more unstable than she was.

* * *

See the difference?

That was slightly more interesting. Maria wasn't center of attention. That, and she was slightly mentally unstable. Her backstory affects her, and she isn't totes mega powerful. You know a Mary Sue? She'd have overpowered the machoke. No human could do that. And notice that she's not going on the mission. If a Nurse Joy let a currently injured and mentally unstable patient go on a quest, she'd be insane. And fired.

So, tune in next time to see what happens in our exiting stories.  
Also, thanks to reppad98 for suggesting linebreaks where my commentaries start.

Stay safe, dear readers~


	4. Travel Writing

I cannot fucking believe I have not mentioned Ed's hair _a single time _in the past three chapters.

And welcome back again, fair readers, to Destiny and Maria's struggles. I would like to point out to new writers that Destiny is a _concentrated _Sue. Nearly all of her traits are Suish.

If your character is very clearly _you _in disguise, or has very little personality, then they're a Sue. Give your character depth, personality, make them three dimensional- fuck that, make them four dimensional and make the best damn OC ever. Now let's check...

**The Sue Triangle**

-Amazingly beautiful

-Very smart

-Unbelievably powerful

These three, even when toned-down, should never come together. A character should be smart, pretty or powerful- not all at once. Maybe pretty and powerful, but not smart. Or smart and powerful, but not too pretty. Also, dial back the tragedy. I know, I know, Maria's backstory is kinda tragic. But characters need a bit of interesting- and her story affects her.

I mean, if your parents are murdered and you shrug it off, that's... it's impossible.

If Crobatman Mary-Sued his way out of his parent's murder, he wouldn't be Crobatman.

There would be no Crobatman.

The hero Johto needs.

_But not the hero it deserves._

But that's not the point.

The point is; this time, Destiny will meet again with an old friend, and Ed and Marlon will begin their quest for Manaphy.

TRANSREGIONAL THUNDERBOLT GOOOOOO

* * *

**Destiny's Majesty**

Destiny hopped off the aeroplane. Prim and pretty in a white pencil skirt and a pink blouse that could barely contain her, she bounced along, collecting her bags off the drooling young workers, and walked into the cool Mistralton air.

It had been a long time since she came here. Saving the world didn't let her come here much. It was so nice, the wind gently ruffling her soft blonde hair as she strolled down through the small town and looked up at Twist Mountain. She'd willed Ho-Oh to set the sun every day, and the amber glow of the sunset over the mountain was spectacular.

Almost psychic, a voice with an angel chord seeped into her mind.

"_Not as spectacular as your eyes, my sweet~"_

Destiny looked around, an adorable look of pure puzzlement on her face, when N walked out of Chargestone cave. He brushed his hair from his eyes and stared at Destiny. God, was she beautiful in the setting sunlight. The light pink tint on her cheeks, her full lips, the purple-tinted lock of hair twirled between her fingers. She looked so... perfect.

"Natural," Destiny smiled, blushing. Hell, N loved it when she used his real name. "I haven't seen you in so long!"

N pulled her into a tight hug then placed a hand on her soft cheek. "You're every part as beautiful as I remembered, my dear."

"Ever since the day we saved Unova from MewTerror?"

"Destiny," N whispered into her ear. "They never told you? That wasn't just Unova. That was the world."

Destiny's smile grew and she hugged N tightly.

"Oh, Natey, that's awesome!"  
"You were strong enough to protect me, and the only one who would," he blushed, running a hand through her hair. "And I travelled across the world to find you."

He looked up. The moon was rising. It glowed, a silver pool in a vast dark ocean, and it was getting late. Destiny looked him in the eye. He didn't want anyone but her. She was too beautiful. She was wonderful.

"The time we met, marked by the rising of the moon," he purred, putting a hand on her waist. "It was love at first sight."

Destiny pushed him away. "No. I can't."

N's heart broke a little as he heard those words; the silver moon itself almost cried. His eyes met Destiny's pure orbs, now a shimmering sapphire blue.

"Wh-why?"

"They- they wouldn't want it. People would hear... you'd be a dead man."

N stared into her eyes. They sparkled like the stars. "That's a risk I'm willing to take... for you."

He pulled a map out of his pocket.

"We can run away to Fiore. I have a cabin in the jungle. If the world can look after itself, my love, we can make a new life, and I will make you "Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi _Harmonia."_

"A wedding in Fiore, a new life," Destiny said, keeping her voice low, but she could barely contain her excitement like her blouse could barely contain her unripe melons. "It's perfect."

"You're perfect."

"But what if the world needs me?"

"I need you."

They kissed, in the foggy Mistralton rain, under a silver moon.

But danger was never far from Destiny, even with her hot boyfriend by her side...

* * *

Okay. Let me explain.

Your OC should not be boyfriend/girlfriend/engaged with/to a main character.

Especially not a hot/mysterious/loner one.

Besides, he's pretty much head-over heels for her.

N, the freak without a human heart (as told by his father) is head over heels with some chick.

He cares about her more than the fate of the universe.

That's both Suish and disgusting.

So, let's go see what Ed and Marlon are up to.

* * *

**Für Elise**

"-AAAAAAA-"

The Transregional Thunderbolt screeched to a halt outside the Canalave harbour. Marlon took a few deep breaths of sea air.

"I never thought I'd be glad to be on solid ground."

Ed walked over to an old sea captain, sitting in his rocking chair. It wasn't Mr Eldritch, but an old man old enough to be Eldritch's father. The man stunk of salt and feebas.

"Well, if it isn't young Edward," the man grinned. He had missing teeth, and the ones he had left were blackened and yellowed. "Have you come back to see Elise again?"

The man laughed and Ed backed off, going very red.

"No, Mr Bellamy," he stammered. "I'm here to take your boat out over Sonata Strait, then out onto Sinfonia sea."

He was about to unroll a map when the old man stopped him.

"I know where you're going, you daft sod!" he snapped. "Who's this?"

Ed looked sideways at Marlon. "This is Marlon. He's a gym leader from Unova."

"Never heard of him! He looks like he needs to get out of the sun!"

Marlon shrunk back, shocked, but Mr Bellamy laughed.

"I'm just playing around, kid, of course I've heard of ya! Now come on, get on the S.S Cadenza and we'll be off- for Sonata Strait!"

"Thank you, Mr Bellamy, you've always been a great help," Ed smiled, nodding.

"Just repaying the deed, Mr Edward, I'm very grateful, and so is Elise."

The sentence was ended with a wink and Edward went red again.

"Okay, let's just get on the boat, shall we?!"

They boarded and, with a loud sounding of the ship's horn, the sky blue vessel sailed out of the harbour, cutting through the Canalave waters gracefully and swiftly as wind filled the white sails and they boomed out, as if puffing out their chests in pride. Finneon and lumineon leapt through the darker waters, leaving neon streaks in the strait's darkness. Marlon felt the wind through his hair as he sat near the very peak of the boat and he felt _alive._

He snapped out of the trance and turned to Ed, whose face was finally losing its scarlet flush.

"Yo, Ed, who's Elise?"

Ed's face flushed red again and he began to stammer nonsense.

"N-nobody! That's none of your business! You shut your mouth!"

He made a few strangled noises before running below deck. Mr Bellamy chuckled and secured the helm wheel in place.

"Just straight forward from here to the Sinnoh Sub-Marine Ruins, lad."

Marlon looked at him with a strange look. "Can I ask ya a question?"

"Of course, kid, what's on yer mind?"

"Who's this Elise, and why does Ed freak out when she's mentioned?"

Mr Bellamy cast him a sly glance and sat down, smiling nostalgically.

"Back when Ed was only a wee young boy, one of his closest friends was Roark's cousin, Elise. Now, Roark didn't like this 'nerd' lookin' with the googly eyes at his cousin; mind you, Ed was a li'l smart-alec back then, even at ten years old he was a crackin' detective.

"So, Ed would sneak around with Elise despite her big cousin's wishes, and at twelve they began sneakin' kisses. They had a treehouse, I recall, but Roark got his cranidos to bash it down. Anyway, Ed and Elise were very much in love, but when Ed began gettin' serious about his detective career, quite the little Sherlock, he left Sinnoh- and Elise."

"So he left his girlfriend for his future career?"

"Not exactly- Roark beat the living bejeezus out of Ed when he caught Ed and Elise kissin' in the Sinnoh Underground in their little base. Poor kiddo was black and blue- Roark even went too far and started a little landslide- and Ed's got a big 'ol patch on his back to prove it.

"Anyhow, Ed left Sinnoh, but he still loves Elise, I can tell. He took up Pokeathletics so she could hear about him on the radio more. He's not allowed to see her- Roark's a strong young man now, he'd probably deck him one."

"But Ed's an athlete-"

"He's a pokeathlete. His pokemon are tough as nails- he's not. He knows how to flip a man and he can swim a mile, no stops, I'll give him that, but Roark is strong, like his old man. He'd have Ed on the floor before he could say 'Elementary, my dear watchog'.

"Ed can't stand the heartache of only seein' Elise in secret, you see. So he gave this tearful speech to Roark and Elise on how he'd grown up and grown out of the relationship, and how he wasn't going to be with Elise anymore, how he had no time for love, and Roark sorta believed him."

Mr Bellamy took a long, hard swig from his bottle.

"It's not true, 'o course," he chuckled. "He still loves her to bits. She's moved on, 'course, but don't tell him. It's been three years, and he still hasn't gotten over her, but she's seein' other guys and I can't tell 'im- I don't wanna break his heart, lad, but what 'ya gonna do?"

Marlon shook his head and got up from the crate he was sitting on. "Better go get the scuba gear and some pokemon. Don't wanna run into any unfortunate surprises."

Mr Bellamy laughed heartily. "Yer a good lad. Doin' this for the girl in Johto. Good luck."

He patted Marlon on the back and Marlon went into the cabin to find the scuba gear. Ed had changed into his diving gear- a pair of dark blue knee-high wetsuit-pants and a white shirt, and was sitting on a barrel, headphones in his ears, staring contemplatively over the horizon.

"Hey, bro," Marlon said quietly, shaking Ed's shoulder. "You okay?"

Ed seemed to jump. "Yeah. Just thinking."

He placed his MP3 under his land clothes and grabbed one of the scuba tanks.

"Are we here?"

Marlon looked over the egde. In the light waters- Sonata Strait had dark waters, but they got progressively lighter upon entering the Sinfonia seas, but as he peered over the edge, he saw a blurry shape under the water.

"Can't tell," he said. He climbed onto the railing. "Let me check."

He tore off his white shirt and coat and leapt into the water, leggings and all. He disappeared under, a haze of blue in the aqua blue depths. For a moment it seemed that he wouldn't resurface, but then he bobbed back up, his ridiculous blue hair flattened over his face by the deceptively light but icily cold seas.

"Yeah, bro. There's the temple," he said, flipping his hair away. Pass me my air tank."

"Why don't we get mini aqua-lungs? Rangers get aqua-lungs."

"Just pass me my goddamn tank, Ed, we ain't got all day, there's a life on the line."

Ed threw the relatively small air tank over to the tan young man, then strapped his own onto his chest. He peered down into the water.

"Is it cold?" he asked warily.

Marlon shook his head with a small smile. "Naw, the water's lovely."

Ed secured his scuba tank and leant over the side cautiously- but Marlon lunged forwards and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him into the water with a cold splash. Ed screamed- he didn't yelp, or shout, but he screamed like he was being murdered, finishing with a terrible wail of anger and frustration.

"Oh you weasely cont-"

"Calm down, it's only a little cold."

Ed looked like he was going to drown Marlon if he tried anything again, but instead of dunking his stupid head underwater his hands went back to deck. He reached up and grabbed three pokeballs- those of his dragonite, linoone and feraligatr. He fitted a pokeball-sized aqua-lung to linoone's ball and leapt backwards.

"Let's go before I choke you until you're face matches your hair," he muttered. "Mr Bellamy!"

"You called?!" came the loud cry from the boat. It sounded like 'you kol'ed', but that was just the old man's accent.

"We're setting off!" Marlon yelled. "If one of our pokemon comes back up without us, be worried! Have you got any pokemon of your own?"

"I have Michael and Lazuli. They served me well."

He flipped two net balls up in the air. Ed had seen Michael and Lazuli in battle – a gyarados and a lapras, female and male, respectively. They were very dedicated, although getting quite on in their years. They were a great team, something else, even if they didn't battle much anymore.

"Wonderful!" Ed yelled. "Thanks for everything!"

"Not a problem, lad!" Mr Bellamy laughed heartily. "And if you meet Manaphy, tell him I said hello!"

The two trainers dived underwater, sinking until their shadows were barely visible under the water. But then there were more shadows. Mr Bellamy squinted.

Sharpedoes.

His eyes widened and he sprinted as fast as his ageing body would carry him over to the helm but the boat was struck by a powerful shunt. Sharpedoes were ramming the S.S Cadenza with impressive force, but Bellamy, the old sea-dog he was, wasn't going down without a fight. He grabbed Michael and Lazuli's pokeballs.

Michael, bursting out of her net ball, shot into the water with a powerful screech and ploughed into the swarm of sharks. A massive aqua tail followed up with an ice beam from Lazuli sent the sharks flying, the boat rocking in the water and nearly knocking Bellamy off his feet.

"Michael, go in with a thunderbolt!" he commanded, sprinting to the helm, trying to steady the ship as it was bombarded with skull bashes and aqua jets. "Lazuli, safe guard then follow up with perish song!"

The two fought bravely- Michael was powerful and mighty; she may have been ageing but fought with the ferocity and dedication she'd fought with since she were just splashing around. Lazuli's grace was the perfect match for Michael's force; his safeguard saved Michael from confusion as a sharpedo came up from behind with a swagger, and Michael attacked back with the fiercest aqua tail as her attack rose through the roof.

She dove under the water into the ferocious waves she'd created, diving out of earshot as Lazuli began perish song. The screeching notes were too much for the sharpedoes to bear. They were driven underwater, their bodies in a writhing black mass as it slowly faded beneath the waves. Mr Bellamy took a deep, shivering breath.

"Edward and Marlon," he whispered, eyes widening. "Dear arceus, Edward and Marlon."

Michael and Lazuli nuzzled in affection, licking their battle wounds from nasty bites and night slashes, being returned to their pokeballs after a spritz of hyper potion. Bellamy dashed around the deck, eyes darting from one place to another.

"Edward and Marlon," he muttered over and over, like a psychotic mantra. "Edward and Marlon."

He knew where the sharpedoes were going. He knew they didn't like people in this area, he knew they weren't usually open to reasoning, he knew, he knew, he knew. He grabbed another set of scuba gear and came out dressed in an old 20's swimsuit, complete with red stripes. He fixed the tank, mask and gear over himself and slipped on his swimming fin shoes.

He clipped three pokeballs to his belt- Lazuli, Michael and Cujo. Cujo was his prized warrior, even if he didn't care to recognise it. Bellamy didn't even have to know it; it wouldn't change the fact that Cujo was the proudest fighter. Cujo knew he was. He just knew it.

He knew it from fights. Fatalities. Why else would he be banned from entering the arenas? Blocked from battle subway? His swimming speed was unmatched. He could beat an enemy to death just by paddling it to death with his kicking feet, holding it underwater. His hydro pump was unmatched, his psychic was something _Carrie_ would be envious of; hell, even his fury swipes was deadly if the _damn enemy held still._

He didn't know why Bellamy didn't let him out. He couldn't fathom why he wouldn't let his _simply strongest, most fearsome battler _take the field.

Ah, well. The old man would have to send Cujo out at one point or another.

He had to. Cujo had plans. And nobody...

Messed with Cujo's plans. Not anymore.

* * *

Ah. Okay, character development. Character development! Character development, character development, character development. I hope you're getting all of this down.  
Anyway, a lot of the story now isn't even focusing on Maria. She's sort of floated off in her hospital bed. Now Ed's gotten the spotlight; and we're learning about him! Remember, don't introduce too much stuff all at once. This is, like, chapter three. Four maybe. Build it up. Last time, we learnt about King Ghidora; now we're learning about Elise. If you pile on way too much _stuff, _then it'll be not-believable. I know I kind of stretched it here... but hey, write how you wanna write. Don't let some chick on the internet tell you how to write your OCs.  
AND we're introducing some new dudes- Elise, Bellamy, and Bellamy's pokemon. Don't reveal too much. I didn't even say what Cujo was. Bellamy's your standard sea-dog with a caring heart. Elise is a flitty girlie, and a plot bit for Ed, to make him more interesting. Don't be afraid of this; even though female plot bits are overused. Male plot bits are good too! It doesn't make your female character a slut to have a male plot bit to _interesting_ her up a bit; slut is only a word used to stop girls having as much fun. Now, 8 male plot bits, there's a bit silly.  
And Michael and Lazuli are sweeties. People like pokemon; humans are imperfect and silly, but pokemon can shoot lasers. So build up nice little pokemon characters; Mike and Laz are old, lovely, and have reasonable moves. They get hurt in battle, they look after each other. Besides, if you build up really good pokemon, it makes it all the better when you _kill them. _I'm not going to kill Michael and Lazuli. That's daft. But look at Marley and Me. There's nothing wrong with a li'l tear-jerker.  
Cujo... we'll reveal more later.

So, comment and such, keep on your toes for the next chapter! See you, readers.  
ALSO CHECK OUT THE COLKINOM WORDPRESS IT BELONGS TO MY GOOD FRIEND CAI HE IS MY GOOD FRIEND


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